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Sunday, 07 March 2010

Was I A Good Teacher?

Sometimes I look back at the decisions I’ve made in the past, decisions that seemed so right, so logical at the time, and wonder if I have done the right thing. I look back at the decisions I’ve made as a teacher and wondered. Should I have failed all those students? Should I have been closer to my students? What could I have done to motivate my students more?

At the time, I thought it was the right choice to fail my students. Grades, I thought, was the sole motivator for success. But now, I doubt that decision. I did not do what I said I would do during my WorldTeach interview - putting my foot in my student’s shoe. Grades was the sole motivator for me. I really didn’t know how to motivate my kids. Because of that I was frustrated, and I chose to punish them with the only tool I had. Instead, I should have brainstormed way to motivate my students.

I wonder if I had opened up to my students more, being their friend, instead of their teacher, would that have helped? Or would it make them respect my authority even less. I wonder how the junior I’ve taught have done. How many of them will go on to higher education? I wonder if Gabby got in Oxford or if Ana will become a nurse. Maybe I’m being selfish, wanting to know if I had made a difference. But deep down, I care about their success. I want them to go on and do bigger and better things. I regret not keeping in touch.

Another thing I’ve doubted myself lately is whether going to business school is a good idea. I’ve always thought that to make real difference that I need to be in a position to leverage power and resource to drive change. I thought getting an MBA will help with that goal. However, a part of me wants to be in the trenches fighting. Although when I was in the trenches, struggling to make a dent, it was really hard to see the point of it all – I lost faith. Looking back, those were nostalgic times. I’m also afraid that business will change me, making me lose sight of the people and focus on the bottom line.

There are few occupations that can directly impact lives, teaching is one of them. I hope I had done right. It’s a little late for apologies, but if I have not, I am truly sorry.
Is Attraction Overrated?

Is physical attraction a key component of a relationship or just something to get us started?

No matter how attractive your partner is to start out with, eventually that same look will get mundane. Even if you don’t get accustomed to her looks, time and nature will reclaim her youth and beauty. Have you ever had a crush, but when you get to know her a bit better, find her completely incompatible? Or have you ever had an average looking friend, but after getting to know her, find her incredibly attractive? Thus I argue that attraction, at least physical attraction, is not a necessary component of a relationship.

Attraction may create the initial spark, but in order for the fire to last, there must be a sustainable fuel. This fuel is the magic that turns “like” to “love”. Suddenly, the other person is not only your girlfriend, but also your best friend. In front of her, you don’t need to carry that strong masculine face you show the world. You can be vulnerable and imperfect. In a cliché, you can be yourself. I argue that this personality attraction is the key components to a relationship. And this attraction only grows with time.

All the sappy romantic movies show the old couple, in love, after decades of marriage. I doubt it is because they are still physically attracted to each other. Rather it is because they share a personality attraction that has been strengthened by decades of friendship.

Saturday, 06 March 2010

Toy R Us Kid

Deep down inside, I’m just a kid, scared shitless about life. I’m scared about being alone. I’m scared about the future. I’m scared about having to lose my parents someday. I’m scared for their health. I’m scared for reasons that I can not comprehend. I want someone to give me direction in life. I want someone to take care of me. I want someone to tell me that everything will be okay. I want to see my mom youthful and happy. I want to know that everything will always be the same. I don’t care for money. I don’t care for success. I don’t care for fame. If I can be that kid, that carefree kid, I would give up everything.

Saturday, 27 February 2010

Indecisions

I’m getting cold feet about graduate school. I don’t know if I’m going for the right reasons. Am I going because I want to make a difference in this world or am I going because I’m a “brand-whore”, wanting a prestigious degree on my resume? I’m questioning my goals because I’m starting to make a difference at work – helping my company maximizing its resources here and there. If I continue to work here, I can make a big difference in my company’s overhead cost, ultimately making a small dent in healthcare cost. If I go to school, maybe I can make a bigger difference – impacting more than just my company, but the healthcare industry - but then again, maybe not. Maybe I can work my way up the ladder and make the same difference.

The truly successful people in this world like Bill Gates or Michael Dell didn’t go around conforming to the norm and chase down a degree. In turn, they are not defined by their universities or (lack of) degrees; instead their universities are defined by them. In fact, every successful person is defined not by his/her degree or university, but rather vice versa. One day, I hope I will no longer need to list my universities on my resume, instead, I hope that my universities will list me on their brochures. Then, I’ll know that I’ve truly made a difference in this world.

Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Overachieving Relationship

Power couple – a relationship in which both parties are extremely successful.

This one of those things that is conceptually appealing, but impractical in reality. Think about all the lasting Hollywood marriages. My point exactly.

We all say that we want a success, driven SO. Call me a cynic. I think that’s pretty much a fantasy that society feeds us. I simply do not believe two driven people can be compatible. Ambition is bad when it comes to having a relationship. Career these days are demanding, at least if you want to move up the corporate ladder. The old 40 hour work week is but a fantasy. Now days, if you want to be “successful”, you better put in the hours. Do you think doctors, lawyers, or executives put in 40 hour weeks? If both party in a relationship put career before relationship, how long do you think the relationship will last?

If you really care about your SO, can you really let him/her give up his/her dreams? Will you be willing to give up your dreams?

I think in order for a relationship to work, one party must be less ambitious than the other, or both have to meet in the middle.

Is a good relationship the price we must pay for success?

Or maybe we should just redefine success. I used to think success is being recognized, making the most money, having the most power, or being better than everyone else. But now I think that’s society’s definition of success. Now I think success is whatever that allows you to sleep peaceful at night.